Treasures of the River Kingdom

02 Dec, 2025

With thanks to PRIMEUMATON for a few treasures found in his proposed list, and boundless inspiration found in those with which I disagreed. Expect your check in the mail.

Treasures of the River Kingdom

To be selected alongside a nome at character creation.

The Most Eligible Bachelorette in the River Kingdom¹

Your niece, Aikatera. She is an exemplary woman, revered and magnificent.

The Most Courteous and Well-Balanced Servant in the River Kingdom

Your cousin, Kabtaya. Knows the deeds and heraldry of every major agent in the river kingdom and can identify someone’s place in the social hierarchy on sight, even if they are a wealthy patriarch disguised as his own slave or vice versa.

Loyal Midwife with Unknown Aims

Sinister and mysterious Belet-Labbatu, whom you have spared from the stake and taken into your household. For some reason, she has stayed.

Man-Killer with a Vested Interest in Your Household’s Prosperity

Your sibling, Erej, who has been made into a Man-Killer for murdering the heir to a rival household.

Venom from the Enemy’s Fangs²

A hollow gold statuette in the shape of a serpent (the head unscrews) which contains a single dose of colorless venom smelling strongly of lavender. It destroys the soul of any mortal creature which imbibes it as soon as digestion begins. The body hollows out from the inside over a matter of hours as the throat, intestines, stomach, &c.—whatever the liquid touched—rot and liquefy, then are expelled with the contents of the bowels. Not even a pig will consume the corpse.

The Triplets, Whose Flesh Yet Labors

All in the river kingdom know the story of the triplets Zisutra, Nanshe, and Melea, whose holy birth was foretold by a falling star. Each learned from a different master: Zisutra from the shadowcat of the headwater tropics, Nanshe from the eldest catfish of the riverbed, and Melea from the great egret of the lowlands. They repelled the son of the desert wind back to the wastes from which he emerged and doused the firestorms he summoned in his wake; they brokered peace between the brothers Bel-Hammu and Bel-Prashayu when their feud threatened to throw the whole of the river kingdom into conflict; they slew the great matriarch of the northern cynocephaloi and splintered her nascent warband before it could threaten Lugal’s perfect kingdom. The triplets’ souls have now returned to the river, but their flesh will labor in service of God until it rots. Each of the triplets has 4 HD, but lack class templates. They have not the breath to speak nor the will to kill a human being, but otherwise will obey your commands silently and without question. Only the command of an Obligator or Lugal Himself supersedes yours.

Menhir Grove

There is a secluded grove an hour’s hike from your palace. Ancient stone pines, uncut for a hundred seasons, shelter a circle of nine menhirs of green greywacke which protrude from the soft soil. There is space for a tenth, now missing. Careful investigation reveals the same worn, nearly-indecipherable carving upon each menhir: a sleeping figure beneath a vast, perfect circle, which still holds traces of indigo. Some nights owls perch upon the stones and stare at you silently, unblinking.

The White Bundle Oracle³

There is a secret door in the most ancient wing of your palace, discovered one day by chance. Behind it, worn stone stairs lead downward into darkness. An archway opens into a vaulted chamber lined with columns. In the center there is a dais, upon which is piled a bulging mass of white fabric standing taller than an elephant. Sometimes, only when you are alone, and not always, a face pokes out of the side: a grey visage with only a nose and mouth uncovered. With a smile of yellow teeth it whispers truths to you—truths which are not yet true, but will be soon. It has never yet been wrong.

Antediluvean Panoply

Armor made from bronze plates which cover the entire body, their edges tinted cerulean by some arcane technique of metallurgy. Beneath the metal lies a form-fitting suit of black, rubbery fabric; a blade which finds its way between seams in the bronze finds another, harder layer beneath. The armor can be worn by anyone; it expands and contracts as needed, and is far lighter than it should be (counts as heavy armor and a shield in one, but only encumbers as medium armor). Any weapon which rolls a 1 to attack the wearer shatters.

The Spear of Lot-Syne

An ancient spear with a head of jade, that eldest and wisest of stones. Its shaft is made from the worn and weathered vertebrae of an elephant, that eldest and wisest of beasts. Wielded by Lot-Syne, who was many seasons ago the High Obligator of the Cult of the Elephant and counselor to God Himself. It was he that God sent as His emissary wherever kingship was needed. The links that make up the shaft of the spear are connected by naught but a sense of duty; you cannot use it to parry opponents’ blows, but it can coil up, wrapping around a limb or into a bag, or can even separate entirely, striking enemies up to three spear-lengths away. The spear is always pulled back into shape by the time its wielder next needs it.

Three Strange Snails

Three fat, fist-sized snails, red, purple, and deep-ocean-blue, found together on a flat rock by the sea. Each of their shells have been carved with a strange and alluring scene: women with translucent flesh and strange organs dance beneath the waves, beckoning to three men who stand on a beach and each hold a trumpet to their lips. The snails cannot breed, even with each other; their shells all spiral the wrong direction.

The Grandest Pleasure Barge in the River Kingdom

The twin-hulled catamaran, Anaja, a two-story palace upon the waves, all curves and graceful lines, with gilt banquet halls and silk bedrooms and a hundred oars the color of orchids, whose magnificent figurehead coincidentally resembles the Great Grace, First Wife of God, in every way but name. Her name is Belet-Anaja, instead. Once the personal sailing vessel of the richest man in the river kingdom, whose memory was destroyed. Before his death, he boasted that Anaja was too beautiful for even the spiteful ocean to destroy; he never had the chance to test his claim. Anaja is now yours. She comes with the oarsmen, for they are now without a master.

Plague in a Jar

A ceramic vessel in the shape of a giant horned toad, sealed with a coat of gold. Upon its back is perched a mongoose with its jaws locked around the flesh of the toad’s neck. Within the jar is an ancient son of the Enemy, a plague of locusts potent enough to devour an entire year’s harvest. He is portentous and malevolent, but remains harmless so long as he is trapped. He will never willingly share his name, but can be cajoled to share other secrets of the world if his ego is properly manipulated.

Divine Elephant Figurine

Cat-sized representation of the Divine Elephant done in gold. Gifted to your household generations ago by Lugal Himself, a token of His appreciation for a great service rendered unto God. It is invaluable on the open market, but its true purpose is to be offered up once more to Lugal alongside a request of anything your heart could desire, at which time He is obligated to give it to you—though it must befit your station. A dangerous gamble for one not already in His good graces. He is as capricious as He is eternal.

Friendship of the Eldest Catfish of the Riverbed

He offers his wise counsel in times of strife. It bubbles up from the mud.

Friendship of Horse

He is a massive kunga with charcoal-black fur and a distinctive orange mane. He is large enough to carry two men upon his broad back and runs twice as fast as other kunga, even when burdened by passengers.

The Standard of Bel-Irnun

Two dogs rampant on a blood red field. The storied banner of a storied man, recently recovered from the wilderness and preserved beyond all likelihood. It is a sin to speak untruth beneath the standard of Bel-Irnun. Anyone who still seeks to lie must roll breath to follow through on the desire. Divinities and snakes care not for such a thing as sin; they are above it and outside it, respectively. Kungas, sheep, and dogs bow before the standard, refusing to stand until it is out of sight or they are given leave to do so.

Fantastical Map

There is a mosaic installed in the banquet hall of your palace, hidden beneath flagstones until the renovation this past season. With the dust cleared, the beauty astounds: a thousand glass chips sparkle in the midday sun, depicting a strange, whorling archipelago in the center of the deep blue sea. Framing this scene is a border of many strange stars, who dance and sing and laugh in the night sky. Only one pair is familiar to even the most worldly of your household; they dance and kiss near the top right of the image. They are Clio and Shar, sisters of the eastern sky.

The Cube

A perfect cube of jigsawed stone and bronze and fur, as tall and wide as two elephants. There is a door-seam flush on one face, the height and width of two men; no one has ever been able to coax it open. It is warm to the touch, and can be heard to grumble when its surroundings are quiet enough. It appeared where it is one day, long ago, as if gently placed upon the earth by a giant.

#GLoG #MEGsopotamia